Sunday, April 1, 2007

1st of April and Im Still a Fool

2001, i confessed to a girl. she has eyes that could take all my air supply and she was still on braces ;) nevertheless, every thought of her, would drive me up the wall, hence a FOOL. (i still feel the same way)

2002, we became one. it was the happiest day in my life. every single victory is incomparable to what i achieved that day. be it sports, academic, life or anything. and im still a FOOL, because up to this day, i could never top that up.

2003, was our first anniversary. we had our fight and we yelled. i was a FOOL to do such things to my better-beloved-half.

2004, second anniversary. i poured my love enough to cover every single tarmac on this planet. i could never love anyone more than this. and i was a FOOL to love a girl more than my mom.

2005, 6 months since we broke up. i was upset, i blew all my savings (for our marriage, >RM20k) on alcohol. i was a party animal. i lost myself completely. i lost faith in God. and i thought God has forsaken me. i was a FOOL.

2006, i had a girl friend. her dad hated me, probably racial hatred. i was a little happier. but i was a FOOL, to think a gf (now an ex) could replace what ive lost.

2007, 2 years and a half past since the saddest day in my life. i am a FOOL to know shes out there happily living her life, while i kept reminiscing about the past. at least i know, He heard & granted my solely prayer for her to be happy (with or without me). she deserted and totally cut me off her life. has she forgotten that i taught her how wonderful chicken, chocolate etc tastes like? forgotten that her trademark smile was actually mine? forgotten that i brought her the finest foods during her panic-attack-no-appetite-exam-week so she would eat? forgotten i did her homework and scored A's? forgotten she asked (and i gave) 6 packs for her birthday? i guess she did.

no matter what i become in the future, please remember dear, i will continue living, only because i want to see you happy until the moment you completely shut your eyes. and for you, id be a FOOL anytime and anywhere. and for all the things ive done, im sorry. i was a FOOL, always will be. (and this is no April Fool post)

verily, with the hardship, there is relief. as-Shrah:6

7 comments:

Air said...

beautifully written mate. i feel you. we all have our regrets. tapi we move on kan. well, it might take a while tapi we eventually get there. hehe

Edwin Masripan, said...

"its not the destination, its the journey that matters."

thanks Air. we will get there!

ps: tanak enable comment at your blog?

*fizzy* said...

Dearest eD,

I agree with Air whole-heartedly.
Time and again you promised that you'll move on but I guess you never did.
Maybe you lack determination, buddy.
Reading this entry shows how small you think this world is.
My knowledge is limited compared to you, but Allah must have better plans for you.
Think of it that way, will you?
The world we live in doesn't revolve around HER only.

True, you want her to be happy and all, but is it fair if you are suffering?
Enough is enough.
This might be a cliche, and coming from me is no surprise but I'll say it again and again until you're back to your senses.. :

"WAKE UP, MOVE ON, MOVE ON AND MOVE ON!"

The journey matters alright, but the destination should be your priority.
All the best, eD.
Hope you'll get there a.s.a.p.
[same goes to Air...]

My nagging ends here.
=D

Edwin Masripan, said...

hahaha fiz. ko mcm mak aku la.

im already 50% there according to "time to get over = 2 x period of relationship". some people can ignore this rule, learn to love again (over lapping the old one), some just cant. everyone is different. i dont want to be forceful & pushy like i always have. time will heal, God wants me hard-code this onto my firmware.

thanks again fiz. membebel je cikgu sorg ni.

Anonymous said...

drop dead beautiful bro...

but i just have to say, you ARE a fool...infact, a real bloody fool...

no offense...

-skis-

*fizzy* said...

Hrmmmm... your mom pon chegu jugak kan..
So kesimpulannya?
Chegu suka membebel????

LOL

Edwin Masripan, said...

skis: maybe she's just all that.

fizz: cikgu suke state the obvious!